Four Days Until ... ?
I knew this would happen, I could feel it coming but I tried to pretend it away, soft dark owl wings of depression enshroud my soul. I don't want to face this, this nothingness; I want to hide myself away forever, but there is nowhere to hide. The executioner's ax is poised, friends and colleagues alike hold their collective breath, will I make this easy for them? Will I gracefully accept my unmitigated worthlessness? Will I quietly relinquish myself to that passionless cringed existence whose long spidery hag's fingers have already sunk cold bloody claws into my still beating heart? I wonder what I will think of when that glittering blade falls, forcing my life transition? Will I think of my distant friends and colleagues? Will I think of my birds, scattered across the country? Will I think of my special soul-bird-companion, who loved me as no living thing ever has before or since and in doing so, led me to this precipice?
I am so fatigued, I can barely move, I can barely think. Gotta work hard during these next four days, gotta work as if these are my last days to make a difference, gotta work as if I will never work again at anything worthwhile. No guarantees. No future. Work/love, fly away. Dust. Whispers. Shadows.
© 2004, 2005, 2006 by GrrlScientist