Sunday, January 09, 2005

My "100 Things" Meme Contribution

"100 Things about Me" is an internet meme that many bloggers have been participating in for quite a few years now. According to scientist Richard Dawkins, who coined the word Meme in his book The Selfish Gene; a meme is a unit of intellectual or cultural information that survives long enough to be recognized as such, and which can pass from mind to mind. Dawkins goes on to say that examples of memes are tunes, ideas, catch-phrases, clothes fashions, ways of making pots or of building arches. Just as genes propagate themselves in the gene pool by leading from body to body via sperm or eggs, so memes propagate themselves in the meme pool by leaping from brain to brain via a process which, in the broad sense, can be called imitation. If a scientist hears, or reads about, a good idea, he passes it on to his colleagues and students. He mentions it in his articles and his lectures. If the idea catches on, it can be said to propagate itself, spreading from brain to brain.

Since I am invisible/unemployed anyway, I decided to play the internet meme game too ... besides, it'll be a challenge to see if I can think of 100 things to say about myself without looking like an idiot.

100 things about Hedwig the Owl

001. I was born and raised in a farming community outside of a small town in eastern Washington State. Now I live in one of the biggest cities in the world.

002. I am a natural blonde (still). I know for a fact that blondes do not "have more fun" unless they also have really big boobs.

003. I could hurdle a four-foot high bar when I was 12 years old but I could only back flip over a bar that was three-foot nine-inches tall.

004. As a kid, I could recite the pedigree back to three generations for any winner of the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness Stakes, or the Belmont Stakes races.

005. I won my first blue ribbon in the state fair when I was 7 years old. I won it for my drawing of a horse. I continued to win blue ribbons for my drawings and paintings until I was 14, when the judges told me to enter the professional category instead of the children's category (adults and professionals were merged). I guess they thought I wanted a challenge, but at that point in my life, all I really wanted were lots of blue ribbons. I looked at the professional pieces and decided I was not good enough to win any ribbons at all so I never entered my work in another art show again, although I have sold a few pieces.

006. The first concert I ever attended was Supertramp. They were magical, especially when they played Crime of the Century.

007. My first job was a groom at a racetrack. I took care of seven racehorses, including one who was a semi-celebrity because he won the Governor's Speed Handicap. This horse bore an uncanny resemblance to Secretariat.

008. I worked many odd jobs in my life, including; a raspberry picker (ouch!), a "fry chef" at Burger King where I watched flames shoot out of their hamburger-patty-cooker-thingamabob (that resembled a large toaster) after I pushed frozen meat patties into its rectangular mouth, a waitress where I learned the art of kissing ass in an attempt to earn a decent tip, a telemarketer, a phlebotomist in a hospital emergency room, a hospital microbiologist, a PCR primer synthesizer in a hospital research lab, a parrot chick handfeeder, a manager of a pet store, and a bird watching field guide.

009. I walked on to my junior high school cross-country team the day before their first meet, and won fourth place in my first race a day and a half later.

010. In junior high school, I enjoyed creating my own alphabets. My friends learned several of them and we used them to write notes that we passed to each other during class.

011. I read the entire bible (several times), the koran, and the book of mormon when I was a kid. There's a lot of sex in those books.

012. I am agnostic. But if god does exist, I am certain that she is appalled by our horrible behavior.

013. I don't know either side of my family, even though I grew up in the same area where they lived -- and (unknown to me at the time) my family lived within one mile of my father's parents for many years.

014. My parents are mentally ill. Bipolar. And children of alcoholics.

015. My mother spent a fair amount of my childhood in mental hospitals. This did not bother me very much because it gave me a chance to escape their craziness because I was farmed out for weeks to months each time to their friends who owned horses.

016. My parents always maintained that they never wanted me. They frequently practiced getting rid of me by throwing me out of their house.

017. If I had it all to do over again, I would choose to be born to different parents.

018. I briefly considered joining the Air Force so I could take advantage of their GI college benefits. But I did not sign up because they refused to train me to be a test pilot. They said this was because I was too tall (I think they really meant that women weren't acceptable).

019. I wish I could afford to get my pilot's license.

020. I legally changed my name three and a half years ago. Even when I was a kid, I knew I would do this, but I spent a lot of time thinking about which names I wanted to take as my own. I am happy with my name now, although I wish I had done this years ago.

021. I don't think that anyone's baby is cute and if I say it is, well, I am lying to save their feelings.

022. I don't want to have children.

023. I don't believe in marriage.

024. I have been in love several times, but no one has ever loved me (not even my family).

025. I went out on my first date when I was 22.

026. I have a terrible knack for falling in love with men whom I (later) discover are abusive or mentally ill.

027. I have a very difficult time trusting people.

028. I have never owned a television.

029. But I really like Law and Order and all its spin-offs.

030. My favorite television characters are Joyce Davenport, the idealistic lawyer from Hill Street Blues and Xena, Warrior Princess (also an idealist), whose spirit I channel from time to time, as you might have discovered in several of my blog entries.

031. I own one pair of jeans. They are Levi Strauss 560s (30W36L) -- kinda baggy, just the way I like 'em -- they are three years old and I have worn four holes in them that I need to patch. I'd sure like to buy another pair.

032. I am a good cook. My specialties are Thai and Indonesian cooking. I also prepare several Vietnamese and Philippine dishes.

033. My favorite fast food is Taco Bell.

034. I have never been on a diet.

035. I sometimes dream about extra-cheesy nachos with black olives and jalapenos and topped with lots of great salsa, sour cream and guacamole. Contrary to what happens to other people, I do not gain weight from these dreams. This is probably because I do not have any of these ingredients in my apartment.

036. I once ate whale meat when I was in Japan. I felt guilty after I learned what it was.

037. My favorite cuisines are Thai, Japanese and Mexican.

038. I don't particularly like Greek cuisine.

039. But I want to visit Greece someday.

040. I have only ever lived in three cities that didn't depress the hell out of me; Seattle (my adopted home), Tokyo and New York City (my second adopted home).

041. I stayed in a Buddhist temple when I lived in Tokyo.

042. After reading Alfred Russel Wallace's book, The Malay Archipelago when I was 9 years old, I decided I wanted to live in New Guinea. I later decided I also want to live in Fiji, Tahiti, and the Solomon Islands. Perhaps not coincidentally, all of these islands are where my research birds live.

043. I have always wanted to sail around the south Pacific islands on a catamaran with one or two companion parrots, similar to Thor Heyerdahl's adventures in Kon Tiki. Well, except for the scary parts.

044. I am investigating emigrating to Australia or Great Britain.

045. My favorite places to go bird watching are Umtanum Canyon (on the Yakima River), the Montlake Fill (Seattle), Rifle National Wildlife Refuge (near Vancouver, Canada), Yatsu Higata on Tokyo Bay (Japan) and Central Park (NYC).

046. My favorite time of the year is migration.

047. I remember animals' names much more easily than people's names. For this reason, I sometimes describe myself as a "name moron".

048. My close friends often remind me of particular bird species. I don't tell them this, though.

049. I remind myself of either a corvid or a parrot, depending upon the situation.

050. I suspect that domestic chickens are not real birds.

051. I have bred and raised many parrots and several passerine species in my lifetime.

052. I sold my entire flock of parrots so I could make a biiiig career move to NYC.

053. I miss my flock of parrots every day.

054. I met and shook hands with a president of the United States while he was still in office.

055. I once ate lunch with Arthur Schlessinger, who told me I was part of "this country's future". I wonder what he'd say if he could see me now.

056. My biggest fears are (listed in no particular order); homelessness, losing my pet parrots, possibly getting cancer or Alzheimer's disease, wasting my life in a dead-end, mind- and spirit-sucking job that I loathe, and that everyone will finally discover that I am a loser. I am working on developing more fears so I can continue entertaining my readers.

057. I love all sorts of music.

058. I wish I could play the piano and the saxophone. If I cloned myself, not only would I be famous and maybe become rich enough to pay my rent, but I could be 2/3rds of my own jazz trio. (I'll allow someone else to be the drummer).

059. I think astrology is a crock of shit.

060. I strongly dislike stupid people and religious zealots, and I've noticed that they often are one-in-the-same.

061. I want to own my own place someday so I can paint my walls any color but white!

062. My favorite stones are black opals and boulder opals. Opal is not my birthstone but I am willing to pretend that it is.

063. I am allergic to many things, including smoke, pollens and perfumes. Fortunately, I am not allergic to any animals. Yet.

064. I have gone into anaphylactic shock twice due to allergies and was hospitalized once due to allergy-induced anaphylaxis.

065. I think marijuana should be legal even though I cannot smoke it (damned allergies).

066. I have used illegal drugs in the past, but wasn't impressed by them, although I'd like to try LSD.

067. Even though I enjoy an alcohol "buzz", I hate losing control over myself (which also nixes my professed curiosity to try LSD). This has the added bonus that I have rarely suffered from a hangover. Like dwarf hamster therapy, moderate alcohol use is another method for staying silly enough to continue laughing at myself and at the world. But that said, I probably should invest in a few dwarf hamsters since they are lots cheaper than alcohol and they tend to live longer, too.

068. People are always surprised when they learn I have a tattoo. No, it's not on my ass, either.

069. I want to get more tattoos. No, not on my ass. Sheesh.

070. I have broken my wrist (twice), my collarbone and my foot (once each). A few years ago, one of my parrots bit my finger and broke that bone, too.

071. I have had one surgery (to place a titanium pin in my broken wrist). The doctors would not allow me to watch the surgery because the local anesthetic did not work properly so they had to give me a general anesthetic. Bummer.

072. I once had a photographic memory. The religious zealots at my schools told me I was sinning when I relied on my memory while taking a test. I lost my photographic memory when I failed at suicide.

073. But I can still see (in my mind's eye) some of those forbidden book pages from my youth.

074. The first book I read was John Steinbeck's The Red Pony. I read this book when I was in first grade. Yes, it did take me a little while to read it even though it is a thin book.

075. I have more than 100 favorite books.

076. I own copies of all of the Harry Potter books in three languages; English, Spanish and Indonesian. I have only finished reading the series in English.

077. I have earned several university degrees. These degrees are worse than useless because they do not help me get jobs in my field and they prevent me from getting jobs in other fields.

078. If I had my academic career to do over again, I would have gone to medical school instead of graduate school. If I had done that, I would always have a reasonably meaningful job that pays a living wage, and I would currently be in Indonesia, engaged in tsunami relief for Doctors Without Borders.

079. I aspire to be a scientist and a writer.

080. I have written stories since shortly before I started kindergarten, but I am always surprised when people say they think I am a good writer, or when I learn that people want to read what I have written.

081. If I could have a chip implanted into my brain such that I have constant internet access, I would do it.

082. I have designed, coded and maintained my own webpage since 1994. It won a bunch of awards, which I mostly ignore.

083. Perhaps surprising to you, this is my first blog.

084. I like teensy post-it notes. I use them for everything from bookmarks to daily reminders that I stick inside my cell phone.

085. I have a green thumb. When I moved to NYC, I left behind almost 100 tropical plants and ferns, most of which I had kept for 5 or more years. Now, I do not live with any plants.

086. I strongly dislike teaching, even though I am good at it.

087. I like roller coasters. They scare the shit out of me -- just as real life does.

088. I like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches -- made my own special way with lots of crunchy peanut butter topped with lots of Smucker's grape jam or me-made raspberry jelly spread on a piece of lightly toasted wheat or pumpernickel bread.

089. I have a sarcastic sense of humor. My humor is often at my own expense because there are plenty of stupid things about me to laugh at.

090. I like to make people laugh. Some people say I should be a stand-up comic. I think I could succeed at this only if my audience were really really drunk.

091. I have only ever owned one car. It was a nearly mint condition (used) 1968 Ford Mustang. It was the last one in the world that was originally owned by a little old lady who only drove it two miles per week to grocery stores and church. According to its original sales receipt and registration, its birthday was 21 March 1968.

092. I hate telephones. But I only dislike cell phones.

093. I hate being photographed. Yes, as a matter of fact, it does steal my soul.

094. I don't believe that Sirius is really gone.

095. I love subways, trains and airplanes. They take me places. They bring people to me.

096. Spelling errors bug the hell out of me, especially mine, because I was the school spelling champion when I was 10 years old.

097. I get bored easily.

098. The only birthday party I ever (almost) had in my honor was cancelled because of a blizzard.

099. I love poetry and wish I was a poet. I sometimes think I have a poet trapped inside me, struggling to express herself.

100. I can hardly wait to read the latest installment in the Harry Potter series; Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince. In fact, this is the only thing that consistently keeps me going these days.

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© 2004, 2005, 2006 by GrrlScientist

14 Peer Reviews:

Blogger V M said...

Hi there!

10:01 AM  
Blogger V M said...

there are a few earler comments on the last page as well ... just fyi :)

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still ... stunned? ... by what you posted here. I'm not sure that I could be this open, and am in a certain amount of awe with anyone that could be. That said, I did feel compelled to comment about some of the things you posted, so here you go:

- I briefly considered joining the Air Force so I could take advantage of their GI college benefits. But I did not sign up because they refused to train me to be a test pilot. They said this was because I was too tall (I think they really meant that women weren't acceptable).

My guess is that the Air Force doesn’t do things much differently from the Navy, and I’m sort of surprised someone hadn’t explained this to you, but no one, upon initially joining the service to fly, is made a test pilot. Test pilots are always experienced pilots, and that normally comes after four years, at a minimum, of being operational as a regular pilot (of fighters, as a rule). If you’re found to have the “right stuff”, your name then goes before a selection board where your chosen, or not as the case may be, to go through a test pilot training program. So it’s not unusual that they weren’t jumping over themselves to make you a pilot, and while there are height restrictions for being a pilot it’s somewhere in the neighborhood of 6’3” or thereabouts.

- I once ate lunch with Arthur Schlessinger, who told me I was part of "this country's future". I wonder what he'd say if he could see me now.

I’d like to think he’d tell you the same thing, but that you’ll get to an excellent chance to pay your dues for a bit.

- …that everyone will finally discover that I am a loser.

You’re out there trying, and you’ve a pretty fixed notion of who you are and what you’d like to do. No one with those attributes is a loser --- they may be personally disappointed, but they are living a life, which is more than many do. Just keep plugging.

- I think astrology is a crock of shit.

Short list of crocks, but I certainly agree with this one.

- I strongly dislike stupid people and religious zealots, and I've noticed that they often are one-in-the-same.

You see, you have more crocks in the making! I’m slightly more tolerant of stupid people inasmuch as I’m inclined to think there are so many of them out there and I’d otherwise end up hating the world ---- that’s tolerant, not accepting. As for religious zealots, major, major crock for me.

- I like roller coasters. They scare the shit out of me -- just as real life does.

Now this makes total sense to me, and tells me the prospects of your doing just fine, even better, are very good.

And I hope that soon you find someone that loves you, who you love in return. Unrequited love, while having some merits ("Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" --- yeah, right, I guess, but ... well, like it totally sucks to lose, so ...), bites the big one, but it does indeed show how "human" we are as the pain washes through us.

8:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God ... too quick. The last post, if you didn't recognize the writing style, was from JamesN.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Peruby said...

Okay, here goes. Below is a list I agree with and/or relate to:

93,96, and 99. Whew.

I belive that a job will bring your self confidence back. I wish you the best of luck with that endeavor.

Keep your sense of humor. That will get you through damn near everything life throws at you.

I for one, do fine without love. I am not sure that "finding someone" needs to be a top priority. You need to love yourself. Your worth it.

10:27 PM  
Blogger Peruby said...

You're worth it, not "your" worth it. Damn it! Does this discredit number 96 for me?

10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love memes. Especially memes about interesting people. You've had quite a life and I'm sure Arthur Schlessinger would agree with me, and your other blog readers and CL friends, that you have an important role to play in the future. Hang in there, ok?

I was surprised how many of your 100 things were true of me too. Those would be 19, 21, 27, 28, 34, 36, 38, 43 except for the parrots, 47, 50, 57-61, 65, 68, 75, 79, 80, 83 (my own, that is), 87-89, 92-96, 99, and 100 although not quite so extremely as you.


12:31 AM  
Blogger GrrlScientist said...

So heeeeyyyy, when are we all going to Greece?

I am surprised at your response to my list ... my recent curiosity to read other people's lists puzzled me (somewhat) so I thought I'd try adding my own list to the pile, just to see what sort of reaction it would generate from my readers as well as from me.

As with all experiments (and forgive me, but I view blogs and the "100 Things" lists as a grand social experiment), one must ask what have I learned from doing this? I was thinking that part of the attraction for perpetuating the "100 things" meme is that reading other people's lists helps us realize that we have much more in common with other people -- strangers -- than we generally think. Certainly, your responses make me feel a little less isolated than I typically feel, especially now (unemployment isolates a person in every way you can imagine, especially a person who is socially reserved and doesn't have many friends to begin with). These commonalities also help us realize that we aren't as weird as we suspect we are (or maybe I am the only one out here who thinks I am damned weird?).

JamesN: it is odd what people think of as "private stuff". I for one, have a difficult time revealing things I've done that were stupid, rude, cruel, etc., because I don't want to believe I am that sort of person (well, except for my taxi cab driver story, where I thought my actions were mean but also amusing). But I don't think that other people's actions towards me are anything I should hide because I have no control over other people nor their behaviors. Also, my family always demanded me to "keep their secrets" (as most abusers do) so after I had spent time with several men who I learned were similarly mentally ill/abusive and secretive, I (finally!) recognized the pattern and promised myself that I would never keep another person's secrets if it involved them inflicting pain upon myself (or me inflicting pain on them -- fair is fair). Also, thanks for your kind wishes to me in my search for love. I always wonder what it might feel like to have someone love me and I think it would be a grave injustice to me as a sentient being if I died without ever finding out!

Peruby: have you ever noticed that loving yourself is a LOT easier when you are not worrying about unemployment and homelessness and losing your family forever (granted, my "family" wear feathers, but irregardless, they are still my inner core).

WW32: (forgive me for abbreviating your CL handle) as always, it's good to know that you are reading my stuff! I am trying to "hang in there" although I am often not sure if I am hanging by my fingernails or by my throat .. by the way, do you share my desire that Harry Potter continue his adventures in Auror School ... ? (Is that a Graduate School for Wizards?)

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[...]reading other people's lists helps us realize that we have much more in common with other people -- strangers -- than we generally think.Yes, I agree with that. I think that's why I like reading people's blogs, and lists like the one above. It gives you a point of contact with people; and knowing there are other people with similar thoughts, experiences and interests makes you feel a little more justified in being yourself. Which is a good thing all round.

Now, as for your question, I'm not sure what I'd prefer ... although I loved the episode of The Simpsons a while back where Lisa Simpson asks Rowling what happens to Harry in the last book, and gets back a long-suffering expression and the comment "He grows up and marries you. That's what you want to hear, isn't it?" :)

So right now I'm working under the assumption that he grows up and marries Lisa Simpson. Well, ok, not really. I try to restrict my speculation to just one book ahead, though. Right now my partner and I have some major arguments about who's going to die in the next one. In between that, we try to cast the next movie. What would you say to Jack Nicholson as Mad-Eye Moody? The more I think of that, the more I like it.

-Werewolf32, who is quite happy abbreviated or not

9:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This, to start, is from JamesN (keeps me from forgetting to say so later, a bad, but unintentional habit):

Interesting experiment indeed, but then again I'm not sure that I'd be able to do it, for many reasons I suppose. Logically you're absolutely correct, you have no control over what others do to you, so why be embarrassed by it or feel inclined to be secretive regarding it? My experience, though, is that the vast majority of human beings aren't driven by logical thinking. Very often simple association with someone or something bad, even if what's bad about the someone/thing had nothing to do with you, is enough to paint one with the same brush. Issues of mental illness and abuse are also very touchy, again due to the association effect and, in the case of abuse the issue of whether the abused somehow "asked for" what they got is bandied about by the less insightful or mindful of our species. So opening up secrets to a general population for me is touchy given that one can often be surprised by the backlash, and where it comes from, when one bares one's soul. I think sharing secrets with those we know and trust is a good thing, first from a carthartic perspective and secondly from the process of sharing that far more often than not informs us that our experiences are not wholly unique, we're not freaks, and this indeed is life with all the warts --- of course both results can also come with blogging about one's life, so I suppose it's a matter of weighing benefits versus potential problems. Ultimately I am inclined to think that regardless of the context of our experiences far too many people simplistically use what they hear to form judgements that are neither fair or reasonable about the person telling them the tale, so on the whole I always felt it best to keep things to a minimum in the information department unless I knew the person reasonably well (what that means I have no clue, exactly, I guess I just know it, or think I do, when it's the case.)

It's interesting, I've had the reverse problem in the love department in my past: I've been loved, but I couldn't return it. I've loved two women in my life, one I was ultimately rejected by(two days before we were to be married, no less) for reasons never made clear to me (it was then that I knew what love could do to a person, I was sleepless for two weeks, ultimately lost 30 lbs from a lack of appetite, became somewhat manic which, fortunately for me, I diverted into an insane exercise regiment, and I suppose I was clinically depressed for about a month --- all in all I came out lucky from that one, it surely could have been much worse, but I never before appreciated what love could do to you), and the other to the woman I'm now married to. Finding yourself loved and not being able to reciprocate is such an awkwardly painful experience, invariably laden with some measure of guilt justified or not, or at least it is if you're in the least bit sensitive to the person you're involved with. All I know about love is that it's totally a mystery to me, it's extraordinarily strong, it's impact is incredible and often you don't come close to knowing how incredible until you find that it's gone, and being the sentient being that I am, I can't picture a life without it. Is it necessary? I think it is, to be honest, I think on some level it comprises our better nature, though it often times betrays us, too.

Well, a salute to love, and my strongest wish that in your life you find it.

9:08 AM  
Blogger GrrlScientist said...

Thanks again for your thoughts, but before I write comments back to you, I have to just brag for a moment to you all -- especially you, JamesN, because you wrote a blog entry in response to my tsunami entry ... I learned this morning (12 Jan) that my tsunami essay was linked by Tangled Bank. Tangled Bank is a blog that lists "the best science, nature and medical blog writing" for each week, so I am thrilled to be included in this list ... honestly, this is the best thing that has happened to me in 2005 ... and to think that my tsunami story idea was rejected by Audubon magazine when I pitched it to them a couple days ago ... I need to learn how to write a better query letter!

ww32: What did Lisa Simpson say in response to Rowling's marriage comment?

Jack Nicholson is certainly ugly enough to play Mad-eye Moody! But seriously, I am in two minds regarding Jack Nicholson as Mad-eye Moody ... on one hand, he'd do a great job (doesn't he always?) but on the other hand, he would do SUCH a great job that I suspect he'd steal the movie! (doesn't he almost always?) And I don't want it to be a film about Mad-eye Moody, no, not at all! (Actually, I want the film to be all about memememe, Hedwig the Owl, but that's beside the point). But I think Jack Nicholson could pull off the mysterious and intriguing juxtaposition of danger-safety very well.

JamesN: Yes, everything that you say is true, and I agree that a fair number of people will likely hold my background against me (already have, actually, and they don't even know about some of the stuff I mentioned here!), regardless of the fact that I was no more to blame for what happened to me when I was a kid than the Indonesians were to blame for the recent tsunami. Yes, I was there when Bad Things Happened, just as the Indonesians were, but that's all. But I have discovered that people tend to either like me or not, and will use whatever information is at hand (background, profession, clothing, hair color, rumors, etc.) to support their impression of me as a person and there little that I can do to change that.

Not that I walk around telling everyone this stuff, because I certainly do not! (Well, okay, I guess I do now .. whatever).

But, like everyone out there, I do have secrets that I will never reveal to anyone under pain of death or something closely resembling it. Some of these secrets are so absolutely silly that I can't even mention the context of those secrets. And I am not sure why I keep certain things about me such closely guarded secrets, either. Damned weird, methinks.

Your comments have given me much to think about regarding keeping of secrets, hrm. Yes, indeed. This could be a fun blog entry to write. Thanks!

1:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From James N:

Congratulations on the Tangled Bank distrinction, and shoot, what does The Audobon Society know, anyway? The piece you posted was an excellent one, well deserving of the attention, so keep at it!

9:44 AM  
Blogger Dani said...

Wowww. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. Hedwig, it seems we are living parellel lives. Aside from the fact that I've never broken a bone and am only allergic to penicillin, you could be my long-lost twin.

10:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have come upon this blog late at night whilst doing a search on anaphylactic shock and it has had a profound effect on me. You are obviously very intelligent, had a bum deal early on and are trying to keep yourself upbeat. I live in Great Britain (not the UK!) and I had a shitty early life with a father who was abusive in more ways than one - and yet coped with the love of my grandmother. My two sisters have had a very different life to me despite the same upbringing and yet I have a strong sense of wanting to show my small community that I wouldn't become what was expected. I have won business awards and am now regarded as a female strength in my industry and yet deep down you are always that scared kid waiting for the next knock. I truly hope that you have the strength and determination to see your goals become a reality, somewhere out there, on a path least expected is someone waiting for a class employee like you with a wicked sense of humour and amazing intellect!
I admire and salute you for the strength that you have shown in this blog and deeply respect you. I hope that life brings some of the nicer things, true love and happiness!
God! This is going to sound really corny - but I'm sure I'm not the only one whos heart goes out to you!

9:26 PM  

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