Reverie

I woke up this morning, quite late, and felt I was stumbling slow-motion through the fluffy pillows of a dream. Wouldn't you know it? I have ignored it for a week, but I can't ignore it any longer: I am ill. As usual, I have impeccable timing. Today and tomorrow are the warmest days of the year so far in NYC; lovely spring days without the typical life-sucking humidity, days that are full of migrating warblers that I won't see because I am sick. These will probably be the best days of the entire summer in NYC, and I will be trapped inside, in a swirling, boring, miserable sauna of illness.

I do not have internet access in my apartment so I rode the subway in to my former employer's building where they lend me use of a computer with internet access. So here I am, feverish and aching, and feeling terribly guilty because I am not accomplishing much. I planned to work on 11 "shotgun" job applications, six writing samples for another job application, and try to make a dent in that four-inch stack of lab reports and exams I have to grade before Tuesday. After all that is done, I planned to reward myself by working on my issue of Grand Rounds (which should be easy since I have received only four submissions so far, geez!). But I can't concentrate. I don't have enough energy to remain focused for longer than three seconds at a stretch. I don't even have enough energy to worry about my impending unemployment that looms in three weeks, I don't have enough energy to worry about my sudden and surprising scarcity of cat-sitting and dog-walking jobs that have otherwise kept me fed for the past eight months.

I do, however, have enough energy to worry about this illness becoming something much worse. Even though I rarely become ill, when I do, I tend to get very ill. I learned two weeks ago that, as an Adjunct, I do have health insurance .. after I've taught for four semesters straight for 10 hours or more per semester at the same school. Since summer semesters aren't included in this scheme, that translates into 2 YEARS of teaching before I have the right to see a doctor or a dentist without eviction for non-payment of my rent.

I feel so lucky.

I am not sure when I will be writing another blog entry. I was working on a piece that was supposed to be done today, an essay that investigates how cockfighting spreads avian influenza and other diseases, but I probably will not be able to finish it in time to include in this week's Grand Rounds blog carnival, as originally planned. But I know I will be publishing Grand Rounds on Tuesday, as promised, and that I will also be teaching that day regardless of how ill I am (Adjuncts don't get paid sick leave), but other than that, I might be away from my blog for a few days. Sorry. With the exception of my birds, books and music, my readers are the only thing that give me any pleasure these days. Take care of each other and I'll be back as soon as I am feeling better. Who knows? Maybe I'll meet a cute, single doctor who makes house calls and who likes parrots?

Well, dreams are still free, aren't they?