Fly on the Wall
Flesh Fly, Sarcophaga haemorrhoidalis,
are found in association with carrion and excrement,
although some feed on decaying vegetation or are parasitic.
Every so often, when I am experiencing a major life event, I become curious about the rest of my abusive and truly dysfunctional family. I wonder how and what they are doing; if my siblings are single, married or divorced; if my siblings have kids and whether they allow the parental units to interact with them; if my parental units have ever been arrested or jailed because of their violent behaviors; if my family is still alive and, if they are, if their lives are as pointless as mine is. I have no clue that they ever wonder any such things about me, nor would I particularly care if they do, although I did remove from them the option to easily spy on me using the internet when I legally changed my name. Despite the fact that it was not my intention to hide from them (I am not afraid of them; afterall, I did nothing wrong), my name change apparently had the happy effect such that I am no longer contacted without warning in the wee hours and threatened by any members of that group of people with whom I unfortunately share genetic material and early dysfunctional social conditioning.
But that said, there is one sibling of mine who, for whatever reason, actually seemed to harbor some small affection for me. He, in fact, is the one sibling of mine who I wished to remain in contact with. But since I was only 15 at the time when I made that decision, and I realized that remaining in contact with him would have placed him in a truly precarious position with the rest of the family if they ever discovered that we still spoke, I spared him that agony by allowing the tides of coincidence to sweep us apart. Probably forever.
So today, I was snooping around on the web and discovered that this particular sibling of mine is currently living about 20 miles away from the familial "home"! and he is married (six years)! and most shocking of all, he and his wife are active in an evangelical organization that provides refuge to abused children who are endangered by family situations that include poverty, homelessness, substance abuse and domestic violence. Wow, I wonder why he is doing that? I wonder what the evil parental units think about these activities? Do the parental units even recognize that their abusive behaviors might possibly have triggered these activities or are they still in denial? If they do recognize their likely role, do they regret their violent past? Or perhaps they don't know anything about these activities? If that is the case, does this particular sibling and his wife socialize with the family? And given our shared past, how could this, or any of my siblings abandon all rational thought in favor of even more extreme (reactionary?) religiosity than what we were inculcated with when young and defenseless?
This one discovery accentuates how I'll never understand people nor why they act the way they do, even when they are my own damned relatives. Nonetheless, suddenly, and for the first time ever, I wish I could be a fly on the wall during their familial Thanksgiving dinner this year.
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